~ don't fence me in ~

     If you follow this blog, you know that I write about the small and inconsequential things that can capture my attention but can teach a powerful lesson.  A recent drive through an unfamiliar rural area brought various types of fences to my attention.  Even when I was in grade school, I became captivated with words.  Their sound, especially the duality of meanings, and the power of rhyme and rhythm. As I contemplated the variety, my "teacher brain" was saying, "what other forms of this word do you know"?  Defense, defensive,offense, and offensive. Then like a meandering side road, my brain took a right turn.

     The old adage, "strong fences make for good neighbors" also came to mind.  But it was at this point that the ol' brain encountered a roadblock.  Wood, stone, and iron may make for decorative borders to mark the perimeter of one's property to provide privacy or keep the neighbor's pooch from burning squat spots on your lawn, but these other "fences" do not make for good neighbors; they don't make for healthy relationships at all.

     Whether you have constructed a "defense" around your life, your heart, or you are putting a fresh coat of paint on an "offense", both are interfering with your ability to connect with people around you.  We can become defensive when we have unhealed pain, trauma, rejection, loss, etc still hiding out in our heart.  Or if we have unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, or jealousy then these have become the building blocks of a sturdy offense. What purpose does either serve in our life?

     Lack of trust or fear is usually at the root of the building of a defense or offense. I have learned (the hard way) that a posture of fear or distrust lays a foundation for misunderstandings which prepares the way for the fence to go up. The building can further continue with unmet or unreal expectations. But when we open ourselves up to deconstructing these fences, releasing resentments, forgiving ourselves and others, then healing can begin. Connecting with others without the interference of "fences" makes for much better relationships.

     I loved the sound of Karen Carpenter's voice and the wistful heartache in this song, Desperado.  When I later heard it also released by the Eagles it didn't have the same feel to it.  But the words follow this same trail I have wandered down today.  May the words take you on a journey to examine the borders of your own heart and find peace in your relationships.

Desperado    Karen Carpenter

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one but I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you can hurt you somehow

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin' but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you before it's too late

--The Wordsmith --